Admins Are the Gatekeepers, Not the Smile Providers
On setting boundaries, holding the keys, and refusing to smile on command
It’s 2025. We’ve got AI assistants, hybrid workplaces, and meetings that can start with one click. And yet, somehow, admins are still being told things like:
“You look different today… oh, I can see your smile.”
If you’re an admin, you probably know this one by heart. It’s the modern cousin of that old line many of us endured in the ’90s:
“You’d look prettier if you smiled.”
Back then, there wasn’t language like DEI or belonging to push back with. We swallowed it, laughed nervously, and moved on—because speaking up could mean losing your job.
Fast forward thirty years, and we should be done with this nonsense. But here it is, still showing up in today’s workplace. And it’s not just comments about appearance. It’s also the folder-slamming, the storming into meetings, the voices raised on Zoom when someone decides their tantrum matters more than the agenda.
You Don’t Have to Stay
Here’s the boundary I wish someone had given me in my early days: you do not have to stay.
If a conversation turns hostile, unproductive, or disrespectful, it is absolutely professional to say:
“This isn’t productive. Let’s reschedule when the conversation can move forward constructively.”
And then—walk out of the room. Or click Leave Meeting.
Professionalism is not measured by how much disrespect you can endure. Boundaries aren’t rebellion—they are survival.
Admins Are the Gatekeepers
People forget this all the time: admins are not “support staff” in the way the old org charts would like to suggest. We are the gatekeepers and the holders of the keys.
We decide who gets access.
We control the flow of information.
We keep the systems running.
We hold institutional memory that others don’t even realize exists.
And yes—we know when a space is no longer safe, respectful, or productive.
That means admins don’t just have permission to enforce boundaries—we have a responsibility to. Protecting the environment we manage isn’t overstepping. It’s part of the job.
Even Hollywood insiders know this truth. In his book Who Better Than You?, producer Will Packer talks about the mindset of healthy arrogance:
“The most successful people walk into a room and realize this room is better because I am in it.”
He writes that no one is more deserving of success than you. That’s the exact energy admins carry when we step into our gatekeeper role: knowing our worth, protecting our teams, and refusing to shrink in the face of disrespect.
From Ugh to Utopia
Administrative Utopia isn’t about pretending workplaces will magically behave. People will still storm in, say the wrong thing, or lose their tempers. The difference is what we do with it.
In utopia, admins no longer absorb the disrespect. We don’t force a smile when someone comments on our face. We don’t stay in a meeting that’s become toxic. We don’t keep quiet when a tantrum hijacks the work.
We hold the keys.
We stand at the gate.
And we decide what belongs in the room—and what doesn’t.
To My Fellow Admins
You are not hired for your smile.
You are not hired for your patience with folder-slammers.
You are not hired to keep the peace at the expense of your own sanity.
You are here for your skills, your expertise, and your ability to keep things moving. That’s the job description. Everything else is noise.
So the next time someone crosses a line—whether with words, tone, or behavior—remember: you don’t have to sit there and take it. You can walk out, shut it down, or simply say:
“Not today.”
That’s not defiance. That’s professionalism with a spine.
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🔑 Practical Utopia Tips
Boundary Scripts (ready to use):
“This isn’t productive. Let’s reschedule when the conversation can move forward constructively.”
“I’d like to pause here—this energy isn’t helping us. Let’s regroup at another time.”
“I’m stepping away for now. Let’s circle back when the space feels more respectful.”
Quick Exercises to Build Muscle Memory:
Rehearse out loud: Say one of these boundary lines in front of the mirror until it feels natural.
Confidence mantra: Before a tough meeting, remind yourself: “I hold the keys. I deserve respect.”
Post-action journal: After enforcing a boundary, jot down how it felt, what worked, and what you’d change next time.
💡 Tip: Boundaries, like any skill, get stronger the more you practice.
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Reader Prompt
Have you ever realized you were the one holding the keys in a situation? How did you use that authority—for yourself, your team, or your sanity?